The Nuanced Life: The Power of Community
This is our final episode of the Summer Nuanced Life Reboot, and we're sharing a very poignant conversation with our longtime listener, Kelly Kaufman. Kelly reached out to us after her daughter, Maggie Joy, died suddenly from an asthma attack last March. Her story of grieving with her community and how friends, strangers, and even Hasbro have wrapped her family in love was so potent that we asked her to join Sarah and Beth to talk about her experience in her own voice and words.
*This episode contains a conversation about the loss of a child
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EPISODE RESOURCES
Family gifted My Little Pony doll to honor daughter’s memory (WVIR Charlottesville)
Margaret Kaufman Life Story - Charlottesville, VA (Dignity Memorial)
Wildrock (Maggie’s favorite place to play)
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TRANSCRIPT
Sarah [00:00:07] This is Sarah Stewart Holland.
Beth [00:00:08] And this is Beth Silvers.
Sarah [00:00:09] You're listening to The Nuanced Life. A Pantsuit Politics Production. Thank you so much for joining us for our very last episode of our summer revival of The Nuanced Life. We have had such a delightful time returning to the show and you guys and the commemorations and everything it meant. We hope that you have also enjoyed this revival of The Nuanced Life of our last episode. We spoke with a listener, Kelly. Now, we get emails pretty regularly where people will reach out and they will say, hey, I'm going through this really hard thing. And have the best day available has been really helpful to me. First of all, Beth, do you remember where best day available came from? Because I do not.
Beth [00:01:07] Yeah, like a lot of good things, this was inspired by a friend. And like many, many good things in my life, it is inspired by my friend Anna Guest-Jelley of Curvy Yoga. When I did my yoga teacher training with her 10 years ago now-- yikes, I can't believe it's been that long. She talked to us a lot about making yoga more inclusive and accessible by saying to people go into the pose to the extent that's available to you. Maybe you fold forward, not that you fold forward to touch your knees. Or yoga teachers will say all the time like, "Chin to chest or chest to knee," or whatever. And she said, we don't want to instruct that way because that's not there for everyone. And it's not there for everyone every day; your practice changes day to day. And so she really focused on available as a word to use in our instruction. And it sank in with me so deeply that when I was doing business coaching work, I found myself saying have the best available day to clients. And it was really connecting with them and then it just kind of snowballed from there.
Sarah [00:02:19] And so now we say that. Have the best week in available. Have the best celebration available. Have whatever is available to you. And so we got one of these best day available emails from a listener, Kelly, who had had the most impossibly hard thing happen to her. Her seven-year-old daughter, Maggie, recently passed away. And Kelly reached out to say the best day available had really served her. But the way she wrote this email and the way she continued to engage with us was special. It was just really special and it touched both of us. And so we asked Kelly, would you want to come on this final episode of The Nuanced Life and talk about this and talk about how your community supported you, and talk about Maggie, and talk about what your life has looked like on the other side of this impossibly hard thing. And in an incredibly generous way, she said yes.
Beth [00:03:24] This was a hard ask for us because this is recent. What came through in Kelly's messages-- especially as we said to her, what can we do, Kelly? How can we help? We just kept hearing from her, what you hear from many people who have deeply contended with their own grief, and that is I want to keep her name alive; I want to keep her story alive; I want people to know her; I want to celebrate the way that my community has understood that and rallied around us. And so, in certain situations I think that ask wouldn't have felt right to us, but what Kelly was telling us about her and her family and the way that they are navigating this impossible loss alongside lots of people who have reached out to love them in some pretty extraordinary ways, is that she wants to tell this story. And so we are really tremendously beyond words, honored that she trusted us to tell her story here.
Sarah [00:04:31] So with deep love and gratitude, here is Kelly.
[00:04:34] Music Interlude.
[00:04:44] Kelly, welcome to The Nuanced Life. We are so honored to have you here after our several weeks of communication with you. We thought that you have truly embodied so much of what we talk about here at The Nuanced Life with commemorations, with community, with connection, with the messiness of life. And we thought a conversation with you would be the absolute perfect way to end this little revival of the no man's life. So thank you so much for joining us here today.
Kelly [00:05:23] Thank you for having me.
Sarah [00:05:25] So first and foremost, can you tell us and the listeners about your beautiful little girl, Maggie?
Kelly [00:05:33] Yeah, I'd love to. So my little seven-year-old girl was born with the most giant name. We named her Margaret Staver Joy, and she just loved to be known as Maggie. In fact, I even tried to get Maggie Joy to stick, and it just didn't really stick. She was just Maggie. And she was tiny in body, like little, teeny tiny body. Even when she was born, she was not quite on the growth chart on her first pediatrician appointment. And her pediatrician said, nothing to worry about. She's going to be strong and mighty. And Maggie was strong and mighty. She was afraid of nothing. She would climb to the top of a tree. The monkey bars were her favorites in the gym and at the playground. And when we took her to Disney World last year, her favorite ride was Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Railroad.
[00:06:39] And she barely made the heights at six years old. So she just was just very big and tiny form. And I reached out to you all because tragically, Maggie had an asthma attack this past March and did not make it. She died of an asthma attack. She had asthma. We knew she had asthma. She was getting medicated for asthma. So it was a surprise for us and it baffled us. And of course, it took the feet right out from under us. What everyone says is true about losing a child. It just takes your breath away and you can't even explain it. I reached out to you all to share Maggie's story, but then to share the story of the beautiful community that came around us and has been holding us from the very moment that 911 was called and has been lovingly hovering over us ever since.
Beth [00:07:44] Will you tell us a little bit more about the us? Tell us about your family and Maggie's family and what your family was like when you lost Maggie.
Kelly [00:07:54] I'm married to Evan. He's an eye doctor. He works in academic medicine, so he works in a hospital setting. And we have a son, Calvin, who's 12. And then Maggie was seven this March. And so we were a family of four, and then beyond that, we have a really loving family around us. My parents and brother and his family live close by to us a couple hours away. My husband's family, it's a very tight knit cousin community, aunts and uncles and cousins. So that's a little bit about us. Calvin started middle school this year, which has been quite the year. But up until this point, I shared with you a little bit about our story. It's been a little bit of a roller coaster for the last couple of years. A short story. My husband actually had childhood cancer in the 80s and was a patient at Saint Jude. When he went into Saint Jude, he was given an 11% survival rate. And today that cancer that kids have that he had has a 97% survival rate.
Sarah [00:09:06] Wow!
Kelly [00:09:07] Which is incredible. But some of the treatments he was given have had consequences in his adult life. So in 2019, he was diagnosed with two brain tumors. Both of them were removed and a couple of years later, he's in a healthy place. We had a global pandemic in the middle of it all. So he had one surgery canceled right before the pandemic started. And then about two years later, we actually had to fly across the country to get that surgery to happen. And then about two years ago, we grabbed hands as a family and we said, we're done. No more surgeries in 2023. And in May of 2023, I was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. So it's been a roller coaster for our family. And so we've been living with our community hovering for a long time.
Sarah [00:10:00] And tell us, as you're facing these things, one of which people would name as their worst fear: getting a brain tumor, being diagnosed with cancer, losing a child. One of those would make the top, fear and anxiety for most people. So tell us what that feels like. Tell us how you think about those all-encompassing fears that people hold in their heads when they show up and they knock at your door? When the chaos lottery pulls your ticket multiple times.
Kelly [00:10:33] Absolutely. Sometimes I feel like I've built up sort of an immune system to it. It's almost like, okay, well, if we can get through one, we can get through the next. I mean, breast cancer really felt that way for me. My oncologist called it a bump in the road, and I was like, well, I'm done with bumps, but okay. But I think a part of it is each time I have learned more and more to rely on the people who truly say, how can I help? And name how you can help. But also as a family, I mean, the night we came home from the hospital, it was very, very late and my son was there and my husband was there and my parents and my pastor friend and my best friend. And Evan and Calvin and I looked at each other and we just said, hey, we are Team Kaufman; we're going to do this together, we're going to hold one another, we're going to be honest with each other, and we're going to do this as a team. And when someone says, I need help, we're going to find the help. And if someone in our community says, how can we help you? We're going to try to name what we need, and we're going to be humble and accepting it and grateful for it.
Sarah [00:11:56] Well, I think what's so brilliant about the way you speak about your community, it reminds me of that beautiful piece Jennifer Senior wrote about the family who lost a child in 9/11, and how grief is this mountain that you say we're going to climb together, but people climb at different places and they hit different speed bumps. And so the more people you can surround yourself with, the more expertise, skills, experience you have to help you climb at different paces. So if you're really low and your son's higher up the mountain, but he still needs help, there are other people there to say, I got you, I got this, I got him. You're struggling down here on this ledge, but I know how to get him over this one. And I think that's what's so beautiful about what you named.
Kelly [00:12:37] Absolutely. And what has come out of this, we've actually learned that we have people in our community who lost siblings at an age that my son lost a sibling, and they have reached out to him. Grown ups have reached out to him and written him notes and just said, I remember going through this. And they've specifically found ways to help him. So we live in Charlottesville, Virginia. So the hospital my husband works for is the University of Virginia. And what I've learned being treated for breast cancer there, is it's often odd to be a local in the hospital because so many people travel for their hospitalization. And our experience traveling a couple of years ago gave me such insight as to what it means to be in a community where you don't know anyone, you have no place to stay, and you have to get to and from a hospital. And so, just taking all these experiences have really helped know how to not just name what we need, but know how to help others in need.
Beth [00:13:55] I would love to hear more about that, because something that comes up a lot in our community is how do I give help that's helpful?
Kelly [00:14:02] Yeah.
Beth [00:14:02] And I wonder, in addition to those letters to your son, which I can imagine were incredibly powerful, what are some other things that people have done with and for you that have really made a difference?
Kelly [00:14:17] I think I could write a book now.
Sarah [00:14:18] You should do that.
Beth [00:14:19] You should do that.
Kelly [00:14:21] I also feel like I could write a book on how to write a letter to someone and what not to write to someone. Although, people are getting better and better and better.
Sarah [00:14:31] Yeah, I think that's true.
Kelly [00:14:33] So a few things that I can name, on the very first morning after we woke up, the first text message came from a neighbor and just said, "Hey, your house is going to be busy today. I'm stopping by Panera and I'm getting coffee, bagels and muffins to feed people."
Sarah [00:14:52] I'm silently applauding.
Kelly [00:14:53] Yes. And then later that day, my two best friends came by and we're bouncers at the door.
Sarah [00:15:03] I wouldn't be so good at that. You would be.
Kelly [00:15:07] Yeah. And they wouldn't let people in unless we said yes. And every once in a while-- because I was saying yes a lot because I'm nice and a people pleaser-- a couple times they said, no. This is a no. You're sitting down.
Sarah [00:15:21] Yeah.
Kelly [00:15:22] Our neighbors set up outside. I laughed, I was like, "There's a vigil going outside our door." But our daughter was seven years old and her best friends lived across the street and next door, and all the kids she rode the bus on. And the day she died, she was making fairy houses with the neighbor kids. And so all the kids gathered. So on my front yard, everyone's just playing. They just set up a table, and water was there. And before long the muffins and the bagels went out. And by the end of the day, our entire front yard was covered in daffodils. It was early March, the daffodils were just coming out, and my daughter had mentioned yellow was her favorite color. And somehow I think the daffodil was her favorite flower. That is now her favorite flower. But they covered our yards in daffodils and fairy houses.
[00:16:15] I'm a terrible gardener. Terrible. And my yard is awful, but I have this one spot in my yard that gets best sun. And someone said, "What would you like to do with that spot?" I go, "I don't know. Like maybe a butterfly garden or fairy houses." So in the last two months, a whole group of neighbors have met. They've met around a whiteboard and they planned out a fairy garden and it's full of houses. And all of Maggie's fairies are living in the garden. And I'll go and the things will have been moved around. So the children have been playing in my garden. Of course, meal trains are very, very helpful. Anytime food is helpful-- I mean deliveries. Grubhub has become my new best favorite thing. I joke, I say, "You know you've been getting a lot of meals from people when you're 12-year-old can say, 'Who's bringing the meal tonight?' And when you tell him who it is, he goes, 'They make the best brownie its.'"
Sarah [00:17:19] I love it. That's why I always tell people, if you do a meal train, you should do every other day because the food becomes overwhelming. I think the smartest thing with a meal train is to bring a frozen meal. This is for when you need it. You don't have to eat this right now, because then it's fresher. Listen, I got a lot of suggestions around meal trains because I think they're beautiful. They're such a beautiful thing and can really lighten the load if done well. But you have to tell us what people shouldn't say, because the second you said that, I was like, well, I want that list, too.
Kelly [00:17:51] The things that people shouldn't say. We had the obituary page and people could leave notes. I will say this was someone I wasn't even sure I knew. So I don't really know this person, but we definitely got several of the "God needs her more in heaven". And in my anger, I'm like, no. Because that's the God that I am struggling with right now. And that's not helpful. So I should share I'm also a pastor in the Presbyterian Church. So a part of my hovering community are a lot of pastors. And it was right around Easter and there was a lot of resurrection and death sting will go away. And I'm like, death sting is real stingy right now. Things like that. That everything happens for a reason. I believe God's plan is bigger than what we can understand. Those are all hard things because how can we believe in a God that is not going to protect a little seven-year-old. That's really, really hard. I actually have done some writing and I wrote a little bit about the cards. Many cards came. And I will say if you're like, "I don't know if I should send that card," send the card.
Sarah [00:19:16] Yeah.
Kelly [00:19:17] Having our mailbox flooded with cards really, really helped. Although, I would take a time every day, I'd light a candle and I'd spend about 15-20 minutes and just open the mail and read the messages. Some people would just sign their name. And I thought to myself, I imagine they probably sat there going, "What can I say?" And they found a card that said something, and all they could do was sign their name. And that was enough. And then some people wrote these beautiful messages, and most of it was, "I just don't know what to say, but I'm thinking of these things. Let me tell you a story. I want to share a memory." But my favorite came from an eight-year-old in the neighborhood to my son Calvin. And he just said, "Dear Calvin, I am really sorry to hear about your sister. That's got to be really, really hard. And I bet you're sad, but I bet that's not what you want to talk about right now." And then he wrote another page and a half about Minecraft and drama and school and acting. And at the end he goes, "Mom says you can come to my house anytime. Here's her number. Let me know if you want company."
Sarah [00:20:35] Wow. Let the children lead us. What a beautiful message. I think that speaking of let the children lead us, I think it's so hard because, you know, one of my most favorite books about grief is When Bad Things Happen to Good People, which was written by a rabbi, a person of faith who was trying to make sense of the death of his own child. And I think we do this thing where when we talk about God's plan, especially with the death of a child, where we're trying to sort of dance around this idea of what is a good life, what is a complete life? And I'll never forget one time when I was having a conversation with the woman whose child was very, very ill and close to death. And she said, "I told her, if you need to go, you can go. You've been here for what you were supposed to be here for." And I thought, man, we don't think about that enough with kids. We have in our heads what is a good and complete life.
[00:21:42] We have a number in our heads, which is a good and complete life. But I know some hateful people that lived to be 100. I wouldn't put them up against Rachel Held Evans at 37. You know what I mean? And so, I think the way you talk about your daughter is so beautiful because it's from a sense of she was here and she made impact and she did these things and she lived a big life, and that matters. And it's not about a number, and it's not about a certain time period that we decided in our heads. And I think it says a lot about what we think about kids and what we think about children and their value and their worth. It makes sense to me that you're a minister because I think the way that you speak about your child and this child's life that you brought here and that you witnessed and that you share is a ministry. And it's really, really important for people to understand that and to take that in, as painful as it is to think about.
Kelly [00:22:42] Absolutely. And I love that you talk about the completeness of life because I like to describe her as being so small, but also her life lived so largely, and her impact was so large. And I'm just now experiencing that. And so, I guess that's the other thing I would say. Share a story. Even if it's I ran into you in target and I barely know your daughter, but I remember that moment with you. A few weeks before she died, we had a birthday party at our house for her. It was an over-the-top pajama party during the day. We made glow in the dark slime, make your own bath salts, decorated donuts. I had 16-, six-, and seven-year-olds in my house. It was crazy. My friends even said, don't ever do this again.
Sarah [00:23:33] That's too much.
[00:23:34] Yeah, but at the end we were opening up her gifts and there was a card from a friend of hers from school, and she just said, "Dear Maggie, you're my very best friend and thank you so much for being my friend. You showed me how school works- w-e-r-k-s". So a couple weeks later, at that vigil with the daffodils, we had gone out to greet some of the children and I ran into this little girl's mom and they gave her a big hug and we were both crying. And I shared the story of the card because it was a really long card. For a six-year-old, it was a lot of words. And she said, "Oh my goodness. This was our first year at the school and my daughter was so nervous about starting the first day of school. And she got to school, and Maggie walked right up to her and grabbed her hand and said, 'Hey, let me show you school. Let me show you around.' And it just gave her peace of mind." And I heard story after story after story about that from other children about her kindness at school. And then her school teachers told me that there was not a day that didn't go by that she didn't hug them and say I love you and their name every day. And every teacher said, "I can remember the last thing she said to me." She hugged me and said, I love you with their name.
[00:24:57] Music Interlude.
Beth [00:25:09] Kelly, you describe yourself as a people pleaser and nice. And as a minister, I'm sure that you have a lot of tools as you navigate all of this. Not that anyone is equipped to lose a child, ever. And I imagine that you have a lot of tools that kind of keep you in a posture of helping other people deal with their grief for your grief.
Kelly [00:25:35] Yes.
Beth [00:25:35] And you're parenting a son who lost his sister. I just wonder how you take care of you in the midst of all of this, and what has really worked for you in the process of taking care of you?
Kelly [00:25:52] That's a great question. Therapy. In fact, it was about two and a half years ago, actually, as a minister and a mom, I had this crisis where one day in the car I went, "Argh!" and my kids went, "Argh!" and I reached out and started meeting with a therapist. In the last two years, she's actually been working with me. And I was having some burnout in ministry. Covid and ministry was really, really hard. And I was working with children and families. And so, in the process, she had been working with me to leave a position and be open to the space to find something new. And that's actually how I found out I had breast cancer. I just happened to finally go get a mammogram. And so this last year, this last summer, she was working with me on resting, saying no, making space, self-care. It sounds funny to say I was really working on self-care.
Beth [00:26:59] I get that 100%. I feel that in my bones.
Kelly [00:27:02] I was really working on self-care. Like one day she told me that my job was to sit and watch TV all day long, and it was hard to do. And so I've been working at resting, so it really prepared me for this point, but it also prepared me to be much better with my boundaries and what I need. And the week that Maggie died, I don't think I've ever been so good at boundaries as I was in that week. And all that work at resting and saying no had really prepared for that. So spending a lot of a lot of time quietly. And even now, again, the hovering, I get messages all the time about coffee dates and meeting and I'm limiting myself to one or two a week. I'm still at the doctor a lot, and that's another self-care thing. I am still getting treatment, so I'm at the end of my treatment. I just finished radiation, so I'm heading into a maintenance phase. So checking in with my doctors and then spending time with my family. We're trying to connect when we can. I'm trying to say yes to my son a lot even if it means having a bunch of pre-teen boys over for pizza and video games all night long.
Sarah [00:28:21] Yeah.
Kelly [00:28:22] So all those ways of self-care. And then, of course, really also sitting with some of my faith friends. I have a couple really dear faith friends who I can be really honest with and spending time with them.
Sarah [00:28:34] I think that's beautiful. When we were at the Democratic National Convention in 2016, they brought the mothers of the movement up on stage, women who had lost their children to police violence. And I will never forget one of them saying, "I'm still his mother. I'm still mothering him." And I wonder how you think about that. It's a sort of a rote phrase that we talk about that when a parent loses a child, we don't have a word for that. Because that status doesn't change. You're still Maggie's mom.
Kelly [00:29:08] Maggie's mom.
Sarah [00:29:08] So how do you think about that? How do you mother Maggie now?
Kelly [00:29:14] Well, a bunch of the neighborhood kids actually call me Maggie's mom. It happened really quickly when I was walking the dog, and it's, "Oh, look, it's Maggie's mom." And so I love that her friends think of me in that way. A lot of the community think of me in that way. Our community is fairly small, and I'll go to the local bookshop and I'll say, "I think you've heard of my family. I'm Maggie's mom." They go, "We know Maggie's mom!" So that's one way that's really helping me. And telling her story. I'm writing about her all the time. Right now I'm using Facebook a little bit as that platform, but two friends have-- I'm terrible at internet and websites and blogs and all those things. And so I have two friends who are working to set up a website so I can do some writing there.
Sarah [00:30:12] I love that.
Kelly [00:30:13] And so those are some ways-- and this last week was the last week of school. And I've tried to think really thoughtfully about how do I commemorate those last. The first last day of school. And so we bought popsicles and donated them to the first grade- Maggie's favorite popsicles. And then we invited the neighborhood to come over and have her favorite ice cream cones when they got off the bus. So just finding those ways to keep her spirit alive. I also tell people a lot, I feel like I'm parenting one child in the grave and one child here on Earth. I'm mom to both of them, so sometimes my momming looks a little like grieving Maggie and having a really rough day and staying in bed, or sitting quietly or crying a lot. And some days it looks like having the middle school boys over for pizza and video games or going somewhere with Calvin or doing something with them. And I find myself when I tell stories, I often say my kids. They're my kids. Our kids. Maggie still very much a part of our conversation.
Beth [00:31:27] I know that you had a very extended community gesture around Maggie's story and her spirit, and I wondered if you would share that with our listeners.
Kelly [00:31:39] Yes. And this is definitely a way she stays alive. Maggie was obsessed with My Little Pony. My husband said it best when he said she was an encyclopedia of My Little Pony. And she knew the differences between the ones in the 80s and the Friendship Is Magic, and then the new ones, the new Netflix ones. And she could tell them apart. She knew their backstories. She drew them. I have 7000 hand drawings of My Little Ponies everywhere. So in my husband's brief, he reached out to Hasbro, went to their website and just found a contact and said, would you help a grieving family, give us a memento of our little girl? This is her story. He linked her obituary. He really, really, really wanted it for her celebration of life. But you know companies don't move very quickly. And I actually liked that it took so long because it was sort of after the dust had settled. And one day this Amazon box comes and we open it up and it's a custom art print of a Maggie Joy pony. And the details were incredible. And I keep saying it's as if they sat down with us and interviewed us and got stories and looked at pictures. And there is a little detail of a Band-Aid on the front of her leg.
[00:33:04] Maggie always had a Band-Aid on. She was a risk taker, but also if she had a papercut, life was ending. So she always had a Band-Aid on. But then the ponies have little cutie marks. And so her cutie mark had sunrays radiating, like a little heart in the middle. The sun raised for her joy and the heart for the love that she had for her friends and family. The second print was her with the Friendship is Magic Ponies. And we're just like girl’s dream has come true. If I can imagine her in heaven, I probably imagine her running around with the ponies. We thought that was it. And then a few weeks later, we get a real-life model of the Maggie Joy Pony sent to our house with hand painted beautiful blue eyes and it looks just like her. And so we've set it in our family room and I'll look at it and I'll think, Maggie's here. She's here with us, just hanging out with us in our family room. And that is one way that we've really kept her spirit alive. And we are overwhelmed by the generosity of a company. Not one thing was signed with a person's name. It was signed Hasbro, so we don't even really know who to thank. It's just this email landed on someone's desk and someone said, I know where to send this.
Beth [00:34:29] You know what I love about this though, Kelly? When I saw this, it touched me so deeply because that, I am sure, was healing for people at Hasbro to be part of in their ways.
Sarah [00:34:42] Yeah.
Beth [00:34:43] I bet that that is the favorite thing that some people will ever do in their careers. And it all happened because you all said this is what would help us. This specific way in our grief that we can be helped. I would never have thought to do that for someone else. You had to say it. Your husband had to write the letter, and I love that he did.
Kelly [00:35:08] Yeah. Well, and I even laughed when he told me. My husband tends to do this. He's like, I can just walk into big sports stars office and get a football signed. And I'm sort of, well, I don't want to ruffle any feathers. So I I'll be honest, I kind of was like, ugh, I can't even believe you did that. No one would answer something like that. But I love that he did. I love it. And I love how you put that too, because he did. He said what he needed and he's really having a hard time. And when that pony picture came, he said, "I feel some joy tonight."
Sarah [00:35:46] What a beautiful thing. Maggie's life, your family's approach, the way your community is getting involved, the way that you articulate over and over again we have asked for what we needed, I'm just so honored that you've let us be a little part of that, because I think it's just so valuable. And we just. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming on The Nuanced Life and sharing all this with us.
Kelly [00:36:11] Oh, goodness. This is been a huge honor for me, and I'm just grateful to share a little bit about our wonderful community and share a little how others might be able to hover around someone when someone finds themself feeling tragedy, knowing tragedy, experiencing tragedy. I think I keep saying I would trade every single moment of this. Another thing that happened, we set up a memorial fund for a natural playscape center in our local community. It was one of Maggie's favorite places to go, and our goal was to get enough money for a tree and then some. And enough money was raised that not only did they get a tree, but it funded every scholarship request for the summer for kids to go to summer camp.
Beth [00:36:58] Wow.
Sarah [00:36:58] Wow.
Kelly [00:36:59] And I would trade every single bit of it, every single bit of it, to have Maggie back. But if this is what our family has to experience, I'd love for good to come from it. And I want people to know that in this dump fire of a world we seem to live in, there are good people, there are kinds people, and there are people who know how to be community. And there are ways that we can be a really good community.
Sarah [00:37:29] Yeah, I love that. I love that because the bad stuff is inevitable. The chaos lottery continues. And for people, like your family, to testify from the other side and to say, hey, this thing that happened to us, this is what's come from it. Doesn't mean we wouldn't undo it if we could. Both things can be true.
Kelly [00:37:50] Both things can be true.
Sarah [00:37:52] It's just a real gift. It's a gift that you are giving to people who you will never know who listen to this, and so that Maggie's life can continue to affect people.
Kelly [00:38:02] And I want to say to you and Beth, I feel like listening to you and being part of the Pantsuit Politics community over the last few years and wrangling with politics and community, I think that's something I've learned from you and this community, is the importance of our neighbors and our community, and that if we pour into that, it will pour into us.
Sarah [00:38:27] I don't think we can edit any better than that. What a beautiful statement.
Beth [00:38:30] No, I don't either. Thank you, Kelly.
Kelly [00:38:33] Thank you so much.
[00:38:33] Music Interlude.
Sarah [00:38:44] Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you so much to Kelly and to Maggie and to their family for coming on here and sharing their beautiful story with all of us. Thank you for joining us throughout the summer as we revive The Nuanced Life. We will be back to your regular Friday episodes next week. But it has been such a joy this entire summer to be here with all of you in this little revival space. And until next Tuesday, keep it nuanced y'all.
[00:39:12] Music Interlude.
Sarah: Pantsuit Politics is produced by Studio D Podcast Production.
Beth: Alise Napp is our Managing Director. Maggie Penton is our Director of Community Engagement.
Sarah: Xander Singh is the composer of our theme music with inspiration from original work by Dante Lima.
Beth: Our show is listener-supported. Special thanks to our executive producers.
Executive Producers: Martha Bronitsky. Ali Edwards. Janice Elliott. Sarah Greenup. Julie Haller. Tiffany Hasler. Emily Holladay. Katie Johnson. Emily Helen Olson. Barry Kaufman. Katherine Vollmer. Laurie LaDow. Lily McClure. Linda Daniel. The Pentons. Tracey Puthoff. Sarah Ralph. Jeremy Sequoia. Katie Stigers. Karin True. Onica Ulveling. Nick and Alysa Villeli. Amy Whited. Lee Chaix McDonough. Morgan McHugh. Jen Ross. Sabrina Drago. Becca Dorval. Christina Quartararo. Shannon Frawley. Jessica Whitehead. Samantha Chalmers. Crystal Kemp. Megan Hart. The Lebo Family. The Adair Family. Genny Francis. Leighanna Pillgram-Larsen. The Munene Family. Ashley Rene. Michelle Palacios.
Sarah: Jeff Davis. Melinda Johnston. Michelle Wood. Nichole Berklas. Paula Bremer and Tim Miller.