Was the pandemic a "big sort" for others related to finding friendships with shared values? It really shook up my friendships, but in a way that makes those that remain feel more authentic and aligned.
This was a very timely episode for me, as well. The more I learn about myself, while also learning more about the people I'm close to (the pandemic and the election cycles have been very revealing), I'm rethinking who it is that I even want in my "jacuzzi". I catch myself mourning the loss of one's presence, but appreciating the space that has opened up for someone who might be a better friend option during this phase of my life. I've been feeling the growing pains associated with all the change. The information in this episode helped me process. Thank you!
This was a good episode and I enjoyed the re-definition of what friendships are and can be. We all have seasons in life where friends take a back seat, but I also believe that like a romantic relationship they need to be cultivated. I listened to "The Other Significant Others" and it made so much sense on how for some of us our friends might be the ones for us in our "golden years". With how many women are choosing to stay single and childless or the real reality that women outlive their partners and you can't guarantee that your kids will be able to take care of you, having friends you can count on is very important. The book also referenced how seismic a friendship break up can actually be and the deep feelings that go along with that. About 8 yrs ago, I had to make the decision to end a 24 yr friendship (since freshman year in high school), a line was crossed and I just couldn't accept it. It was very traumatic and something I thought about a long time because we had been through a lot together and she was/is a good person, but morally I couldn't continue the friendship. I am grieving the loss of another friend who passes away last February....for 20 yrs she was my person. She was 20 yrs older than me, but we were kindred spirits and she was a friend and mentor. To say I was shattered (still am) is an understatement. I still sometimes start to reach out and then remember she isn't here. I have other friends, but I am very selective and careful of who I let in (been burned in the past) and my circle is small. I know a lot of people, but wouldn't count them as friends. The fact that a lot of people are and have been rethinking and even cutting people out of their lives based on values, it will be interesting how friendship making evolves into and how we help our kids navigate it along with ourselves.
I often feel pretty good about my life and connections until I hear other people discuss their friends and friendships. I don't even immediately respond to my bathtub people - spouse and kids - right away, and when we are apart, we can go for days without talking to each other. I have friends that I would call Jacuzzi friends from years ago. We only talk a couple of times a year and perhaps don't even see each other every year, but if I had a crisis and needed people to talk to, they would be the ones I would call rather than my more local friends I see more often. I think I will have to read the book!
This episode is so on time for me! Someone asked in the chat about “words of the year” and I landed on FRIENDSHIP. So many of my important relationships have suffered in the last five years (personal tragedy, COVID, new baby) Last year also saw the end to a 20 year friendship and that left me devastated. I downloaded the audio to The Other Significant Others by Rianah Cohen and now I have another book to add to my learning this year!
This was a great episode! I’m chewing on so much of it. Like Sarah, I feel like each of my water features are a little larger than she said. Am I doing it wrong? I would be interested to hear if anybody else also feels like the number ranges are a little different for you.
For me, I realized that social media really messed up my tiers. I’ve been off IG/FB/Tiktok since early November and I think I had lots of people that I was TRYING to fit in the jacuzzi (or any higher tier) because of seeing their posts and stories. Now being off social has made me realize that there are plenty of “friendships” that really aren’t what I thought they’d be. Not in like a hard feelings way, but if someone is not interacting with me in some way outside of Instagram & I don’t have the strong urge to do the same thing, it’s helped me more appropriately categorize them. As much as I’d like to, I don’t actually have the time/energy/resources to be a really amazing friend to everyone I know. Same for them. And that’s totally okay! It’s been a big relief actually.
I definitely feel like my water feature numbers are bigger than that! I am a pretty open person and so it's not that I tell all of my business and private thoughts to everyone, but I have a lot of people I've been close to my life and even though we don't keep in touch all the time (the busyness of this phase of life), I often open up about anything and everything when we do get together or have a long 2-hour chat. If the bathtub tier means it's someone that you are doing day-to-day life with, then a lot of these friends wouldn't qualify. But if the bathtub tear is someone that you feel like you can be your authentic self with and share your values, ideas, experiences, etc freely, then I have a lot of people I would put in my bathtub and in my jacuzzi 😂
Ok yes thank you, that’s helpful! Because I started to second-guess and think my tiers were wrong, and maybe I only THINK those people are bathtub or jacuzzi people and instead I don’t have any bathtub or jacuzzi people at all and I’m just unnaturally attached to my swimming pool people. 😂🤦🏻♀️ I prefer to think that I just have a large bathtub and a large jacuzzi; thanks for helping me have permission to think that. 😀
Texting! I'm so glad that texting got brought up. I am 33, and I can't figure out how one is supposed to communicate with friends via text message. I can make it work for short or direct conversations. But when someone is wanting to have a long, in-depth conversation over text......I'd rather just talk on the phone for an hour or two. Talking on the phone is so much easier than trying to keep up with a text conversation throughout the day.
Yes! I agree. I wonder if it is somehow related to focus- an uninterrupted listen to them - and giving them the gift of a dedicated time to focus and explore the nooks and crannies of their topic. Texting is so chopped up - not good for a "conversation".
Didn’t expect to start crying in the car as Anna shared the story about her friend! This was a beautiful interview to start off 2025 with. Gave me some food for thought to help support my friendships (one of my most cherished relationships as a single adult!)
Somehow finally just registered in my brain (cause I think it’s been this way for many weeks now) but I think it’s super cool that there are so many executive producers of the show that their names are split up between Tuesday and Friday show credits. Thank you executive producers!
Something clicked for me in the part about friendships being based on shared interests. I think that probably until my mid-20’s the friendships I had were based more on things like personality and proximity but we didn’t really have that much in common. The friendships that have lasted have been based more on shared interests and values and I think the friendships I have now are deeper because of that.
I loved that you had this conversation with Anna. I read Modern Friendship in 2024 and the lessons of it have really stuck with me and pushed me to be a better friend.
This was such a timely episode for me because I have been reflecting on friendships because some of my work friends are leaving to pursue other ventures and I’m happy for them and sad for me because I will miss them. It is so odd to me that sometimes you’re really close with people for a season and then you just like never see them again. Makes me sad which I don’t like.
Was the pandemic a "big sort" for others related to finding friendships with shared values? It really shook up my friendships, but in a way that makes those that remain feel more authentic and aligned.
This was a very timely episode for me, as well. The more I learn about myself, while also learning more about the people I'm close to (the pandemic and the election cycles have been very revealing), I'm rethinking who it is that I even want in my "jacuzzi". I catch myself mourning the loss of one's presence, but appreciating the space that has opened up for someone who might be a better friend option during this phase of my life. I've been feeling the growing pains associated with all the change. The information in this episode helped me process. Thank you!
This was a good episode and I enjoyed the re-definition of what friendships are and can be. We all have seasons in life where friends take a back seat, but I also believe that like a romantic relationship they need to be cultivated. I listened to "The Other Significant Others" and it made so much sense on how for some of us our friends might be the ones for us in our "golden years". With how many women are choosing to stay single and childless or the real reality that women outlive their partners and you can't guarantee that your kids will be able to take care of you, having friends you can count on is very important. The book also referenced how seismic a friendship break up can actually be and the deep feelings that go along with that. About 8 yrs ago, I had to make the decision to end a 24 yr friendship (since freshman year in high school), a line was crossed and I just couldn't accept it. It was very traumatic and something I thought about a long time because we had been through a lot together and she was/is a good person, but morally I couldn't continue the friendship. I am grieving the loss of another friend who passes away last February....for 20 yrs she was my person. She was 20 yrs older than me, but we were kindred spirits and she was a friend and mentor. To say I was shattered (still am) is an understatement. I still sometimes start to reach out and then remember she isn't here. I have other friends, but I am very selective and careful of who I let in (been burned in the past) and my circle is small. I know a lot of people, but wouldn't count them as friends. The fact that a lot of people are and have been rethinking and even cutting people out of their lives based on values, it will be interesting how friendship making evolves into and how we help our kids navigate it along with ourselves.
My 12 year old and her childhood BFF are going through a weird transition now that they are in middle school. This episode is timely
I often feel pretty good about my life and connections until I hear other people discuss their friends and friendships. I don't even immediately respond to my bathtub people - spouse and kids - right away, and when we are apart, we can go for days without talking to each other. I have friends that I would call Jacuzzi friends from years ago. We only talk a couple of times a year and perhaps don't even see each other every year, but if I had a crisis and needed people to talk to, they would be the ones I would call rather than my more local friends I see more often. I think I will have to read the book!
Loved this interview and immediately downloaded Anna’s audiobook!
This episode is so on time for me! Someone asked in the chat about “words of the year” and I landed on FRIENDSHIP. So many of my important relationships have suffered in the last five years (personal tragedy, COVID, new baby) Last year also saw the end to a 20 year friendship and that left me devastated. I downloaded the audio to The Other Significant Others by Rianah Cohen and now I have another book to add to my learning this year!
This was a great episode! I’m chewing on so much of it. Like Sarah, I feel like each of my water features are a little larger than she said. Am I doing it wrong? I would be interested to hear if anybody else also feels like the number ranges are a little different for you.
I have been thinking about this episode A LOT.
For me, I realized that social media really messed up my tiers. I’ve been off IG/FB/Tiktok since early November and I think I had lots of people that I was TRYING to fit in the jacuzzi (or any higher tier) because of seeing their posts and stories. Now being off social has made me realize that there are plenty of “friendships” that really aren’t what I thought they’d be. Not in like a hard feelings way, but if someone is not interacting with me in some way outside of Instagram & I don’t have the strong urge to do the same thing, it’s helped me more appropriately categorize them. As much as I’d like to, I don’t actually have the time/energy/resources to be a really amazing friend to everyone I know. Same for them. And that’s totally okay! It’s been a big relief actually.
I definitely feel like my water feature numbers are bigger than that! I am a pretty open person and so it's not that I tell all of my business and private thoughts to everyone, but I have a lot of people I've been close to my life and even though we don't keep in touch all the time (the busyness of this phase of life), I often open up about anything and everything when we do get together or have a long 2-hour chat. If the bathtub tier means it's someone that you are doing day-to-day life with, then a lot of these friends wouldn't qualify. But if the bathtub tear is someone that you feel like you can be your authentic self with and share your values, ideas, experiences, etc freely, then I have a lot of people I would put in my bathtub and in my jacuzzi 😂
Ok yes thank you, that’s helpful! Because I started to second-guess and think my tiers were wrong, and maybe I only THINK those people are bathtub or jacuzzi people and instead I don’t have any bathtub or jacuzzi people at all and I’m just unnaturally attached to my swimming pool people. 😂🤦🏻♀️ I prefer to think that I just have a large bathtub and a large jacuzzi; thanks for helping me have permission to think that. 😀
(I wish we could edit comments. I just noticed that voice to text did not serve me well just now 🤦)
Texting! I'm so glad that texting got brought up. I am 33, and I can't figure out how one is supposed to communicate with friends via text message. I can make it work for short or direct conversations. But when someone is wanting to have a long, in-depth conversation over text......I'd rather just talk on the phone for an hour or two. Talking on the phone is so much easier than trying to keep up with a text conversation throughout the day.
Yes! I agree. I wonder if it is somehow related to focus- an uninterrupted listen to them - and giving them the gift of a dedicated time to focus and explore the nooks and crannies of their topic. Texting is so chopped up - not good for a "conversation".
Plus I can't type that fast or well on a phone, so I get preoccupied with that.
Well, I reached out to 3 friends while listening to this podcast. Thank you ladies.
🥹🥹🥹
Didn’t expect to start crying in the car as Anna shared the story about her friend! This was a beautiful interview to start off 2025 with. Gave me some food for thought to help support my friendships (one of my most cherished relationships as a single adult!)
Somehow finally just registered in my brain (cause I think it’s been this way for many weeks now) but I think it’s super cool that there are so many executive producers of the show that their names are split up between Tuesday and Friday show credits. Thank you executive producers!
Something clicked for me in the part about friendships being based on shared interests. I think that probably until my mid-20’s the friendships I had were based more on things like personality and proximity but we didn’t really have that much in common. The friendships that have lasted have been based more on shared interests and values and I think the friendships I have now are deeper because of that.
Bought the book for my 16yo daughter who is also struggling with friendships
I loved that you had this conversation with Anna. I read Modern Friendship in 2024 and the lessons of it have really stuck with me and pushed me to be a better friend.
This was such a timely episode for me because I have been reflecting on friendships because some of my work friends are leaving to pursue other ventures and I’m happy for them and sad for me because I will miss them. It is so odd to me that sometimes you’re really close with people for a season and then you just like never see them again. Makes me sad which I don’t like.